This Michael Jackson trial is going to be pure spectacle. Look at this witness list:
For the Defense
Backstreet Boy Nick Carter and little brother Aaron Carter (of Hillary Duff/Lindsey Lohan love triangle fame).
Court: Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?
Nick Carter: "Yes I will. I'll make "10,000 promises" to tell "Everything I have to give."
Defense Attorney: What can you tell us about Mr. Jackson?
Carter: He's "Larger than Life," but Michael is "Like a Child," and as we all know, "Boys will be boys."
Defense: Do you know what will happen if Mr. Jackson goes to prison?
Carter: He'll have to "Get Another Boyfriend." Can you "Show Me the Meaning of Being Lonely?"
(note: various reports list these two as either prosecution or defense witnesses).
Kobe Bryant, former celebrity trial star. Will Shaq testify for the Prosecution?
Magician David Blaine, who lived in an egg suspended above the River Themes living off of bread and water for 44 days, to the the international acclaim of no one (on either side of the pond). His experience can help Jackson prepare for a possible life in prison, and in the event of a guilty verdict, help him escape.
Famed starlet Elizabeth Taylor will take the stand. Will she testify to "The Last Time I Saw Paris" (Jackson, Michael's daughter)?" Hopefully, nothing comes out about an "Elephant Walk." Will the jury be suckers for her testimony? After all, "There's one born every minute." Taylor's appearance will help make this trial "The Only Game in Town."
Family members of the late Marlon Brando. Could this possibly be a good thing?
Christian Brando got wasted and killed his sister's boyfriend for abusing her. She fabricated the abuse because she was suffering from schizophrenia. He is currently facing charges of spousal abuse stemming from an incident in which he pushed his wife to the ground and kicked her. Brando claims he mistook her for an intruder. Could this family be even more messed up than the Jacksons?
Rounding out the field will be Ed Bradley of 60 Minutes (Will an employee of CBS News be allowed to authenticate documents?), and child stars Macauley Culkin and Emmanuel Lewis. During Lewis' testimony, the witness box will be outfitted with a special high chair for the 3'4'' "Webster" star. Hopefully it will go better than his appearance on "The Weakest Link," where he answered that 'May' has the fewest days of any month.
Jay Leno may also be called to the stand. I really hope that any gag orders during trial won't apply to him. Consider his thoughts on the subject thus far:
"Michael says that he is going to fight these charges tooth and nail---because those are the only body parts he has left."
"I guess they got Michael on that new law--three tykes and you're out."
Boy, it's like the old saying: with defense witnesses like these, who needs prosecutors? But Leno has also taken aim at one of the prosecution witnesses.
That’s the big story today. Former child star Corey Feldman has been subpoenaed to testify in the Michael Jackson case. I think this is the first callback Corey has had since the movie "Goonies"!
The prosecutor will have some fun impeaching Leno's claims that Jackson has good character. Remember when he dangled his kid off the balcony?
"Actually, yesterday, a lot of the news agencies were reporting that people weren't sure if it was even Michael's baby, which of course it's Michael's baby. Would you let Michael Jackson baby sit your kid? No."
Bottom Line: The King of Late Night is a wildcard.
Not to be outdone, the Prosecutor has a star studded lineup walking up the red carpet to the Santa Maria, California courthouse.
Barry Gibb from the Bee Gees will testify for the prosecution, and perform time honored songs such as "Dancing Queen" and "Stayin' Alive" for the jury on sidebars. He will also take requests.
No word yet on whether Gibb will team up with fellow prosecution witness Diana Ross. A former friend of Jackson's, he must be wondering, "Where Did Our Love Go?"
Chris Tucker will also be taking the stand. If the prosecution gets tripped up over mishandling evidence, they should borrow a line from "Rush Hour."
Police Captain: You lost a lot of evidence!
Tucker: There's still a little bit left.
Maury Povich (Mr. Connie Chung) and Larry King will also be testifying against Jackson. Is Povich like the easiest guy in the world to cross examine? Remember that tabloid TV show he hosted, "A Current Affair?"
Deepak Chopra will be there too. Jurors were also asked on voir dire whether they had ever purchased one of his self help books. If they had, the court reasoned, it would unfairly prejudice the prosecution and result in an automatic acquittal for Jackson.
Rumored to be the "Amber Frey" of the Jackson trial, Stevie Wonder will be the prosecution's main witness. Apparently, he saw everything. Mon Cherie!
Judge Rodney Melville is currently entertaining a motion to recuse himself in favor of Judge Judy Schiendlin.